KABOOM Learning Experience

Starting Weight in January 2004: 315 pounds

Followed a program where I ate 6 times a day with strict guidelines on protein, carbs, veggies, fruit.

Learned a lot about my body on this plan.

Weight in February 2005: 209 pounds

Total Loss for 2004: 105 pounds

The Emotional Explosion: February 2005
Began eating carbs and sugar. Swooped deeply into emotional no-man's land. Wouldn't come up for air for a very, very long time. I now have a much clearer picture of the devastation of diet mentality.

January 2006: Gained 130 pounds in 9 months.

What I'm Eating this Weekend

I just got back from a late-night haunt of the grocery store. There have been too many days in a row of subpar food in my life. How do I know this? Because I'm hungry and never filled despite what I eat. Because not one fast food or dining out option even sounds fun. Because I crave beauty with my food, not just food. Because I can sit for hours perusing a cookbook wishing I could eat this or that or that or this. Because nothing in my life is going quite right and it seems like it is time to get back to the earth, the cycle of life, the nourishing, feeding, joyous, celebration-filled reclamation of meal time. Because I'm hungry deep down to my very toes and I know this kind of hunger will never be filled by mounds of chocolate, chips, sandwiches, or semi-meals. This kind of hunger takes time, patience, and effort to really fill me up.

In that vein then, I went to the grocery store armed with a few recipes and a couple of yummy ideas. And this is what I've come away with:

My Weekend Meal List:

• New York Breakfast--smoked salmon on toasted rye bread with cream cheese, cucumbers, tomato and dill
• Broccoli and Cheddar Frittata--an egg and veggie quiche with the sharp tang of cheddar cheese to top it off
• Spinach Salad with Warm Bacon and Apple Cider Dressing--it just sounds yum to me!
• Blueberry blast--a fruit smoothie with blueberries, honey, yogurt and almond milk
• Oven fried potatoes--red potatoes cut in strips and seasoned with paprika, salt and garlic
• Oven baked chicken--a version of fried chicken that is more healthy than harmful and it looks and sounds simply delicious.
  

I think there will be some lovely meals this weekend that combine both beauty and taste and make my heart and my mouth sing. YUMMMMMMEEEEEE!

Goal Recap--February 2008

My biggest goal for the next few months is Denmark. I'm flying to Denmark at the end of May and I have some very big goals in mind for that trip. I want to be able to fit in the airplane seat, I want to fly without using a seat belt extender, and I want to have the energy to walk anywhere I want to on our vacation without holding myself back or anyone else.

Those are pretty high-minded goals and even I know it.

I think in the past I would have tried to lose 150 lbs. in three months and I would have shut my eyes to the reality of being able to achieve that goal.

I don't want to shut my eyes this time. I actually want to make some realistic goals and achieve them. Most of all I am concerned with being comfortable when I fly back and forth to Denmark and I'm concerned with being active and athletic enough to handle any of the physical demands that are placed on me by this trip.

The last time I flew to Europe in 2004 I was 240 pounds. I felt pretty good on that trip. Not excellent, but pretty good. I had lost about 75 pounds in 5 months on the Provida plan and I was completely gung-ho to lose the rest of the weight. I was very, very strict about my diet and exercise--in fact, I was way too uptight about it. I had very little sense of balance or moderation. Most of my sense had to do with desperation and exasperation. I would go off my food plan--as planned--during that 2004 trip, but what I didn't count on was how quickly the demons would come roaring back to me. I had no idea that simply by ingesting sugar and simple carbs, I would again turn on deep cravings and intense longings inside myself. I was shocked when those feelings returned. It would take more time for me to figure all those feelings out.

But on my 2004 trip, I was pushed physically. We spent several days walking in Paris and London and I had to keep a very fast pace on those days. We also climbed stairs to old castles and hurtled from one subway stop to the next. We were constantly going it seemed and I felt like I was reasonably good at keeping up. In fact, I felt pretty darn amazing because I hadn't been that low in weight or that active since my first trip to Europe in 1998.

On the 1998 trip, I went to Europe weighing 215 pounds and I came home weighing 230 pounds. After that, I quit weighing myself for several years. Essentially I gave up the fight when I came back from Europe in 1998 and I didn't try to take the reins back for several years--at least until I started staring my 30th birthday in the face.

So, this Europe trip, I know I will weigh more than I did on the last two Europe trips. But I also know that the things that will really help me and assist me are my exercise and my food. If I have a good diet--lots of veggies, good proteins, excellent fats--and plenty of exercise, I can certainly improve and alter my chances of enjoying this trip without feeling literally weighed down.

I updated all my stats on the right of my blog today (weight: 343 lbs and waist: 54 inches) and that really helped me to zone in on my goals. I haven't been focused on them at all the last week--I've been fussy and out of focus since we returned from our annual cabin trip. I think just updating the stats and staring reality in the face again for a little while has helped.

My next mini goal is to lose 10-15 pounds in the next two weeks. I'm not pushing for a miracle here. What that really means to me is I want to exercise 6 days a week and I want to plan my food each week. I think if I do those two things that at this stage in the game, I can easily lose that much weight.

I'm also not supposed to be obsessing about the pounds. Yet, that is all this post seems to be about. I guess what I mean right now about not obsessing about the pounds is to not weigh myself every day, but only once a month (or secretly once a week). I don't want my goals to revolve around the scale. I want them to revovle around--exercising daily, eating well daily, studying the scriptures and staying close to God daily, and turning my focus outward at least once a day to focus on someone else. Those are the goals that I want to inform and guide me the next few weeks. I believe if I do those things, the weight will follow.

The Pasta That Nearly Did Me In

I read a book this weekend that made me ache for yummy, wholesome, fresh, inspiring food. (A review will be offered later). All I wanted to do was eat something YUMMY.

And the yummy that seemed to be calling my name was: Italian food. And not just any Italian food, but warm, delicious, garlicy, cheesy, tomatoey Italian food. Italian food thats yum factor would shoot be right out of this world.

It was Monday night. Because of being snowed in on our cabin weekend, we didn't get home until Monday afternoon from our weekend, so our Denmark Health Challenge would not resume until Tuesday morning. I figured this was my chance to grab some really super delicious Italian food and not have it count against me on the health challenge.

So, at 9:00 pm that night I went to a little Italian bistro in town and ordered up this:

GNOCCHI TOSCANA

Homemade ricotta dumplings. With our Pesto, basil, pine nuts, olive oil, and romano sauce.

Yummo! It was something about the fusion of flavors with pesto, pine nuts, olive oil and romano sauce that just seemed to make this dish drip with delectability. I ordered some creamy tomato basil soup too and figured within minutes I would be swimming in deliciousness that had only previously been imagined, but not experienced in my life.

I was wrong. On so many counts.

The food was actually good, don't get me wrong. Hot and pulsing with flavor, it seemed at first that I had made a very good decision. I was hungry after a long day of little food and a weekend of nauseous illness. I figured this kind of food would really nourish me--deeply and with a rich sustenance. What I didn't count on was the amount of food or my reaction to it.

The gnocchi came piled high on a plate and my first thought was "I can't eat all of this" but before I could even dig in I was distracted by the liquid siren of the creamy tomato basil soup and I gave in. I took some Italian bread and plunged it deeply into my soup and waited a few seconds to let the two merge. Then I slurped that warm, gooey bread and soup into my too-hungry mouth and let little explosions of delight go off throughout my taste buds.

I liked the experience so much, I repeated it quickly--again and again twining the bread and soup and soaking up all of its delicious, steamy tastes.

And then I dug into the gnocchi. I've always been a fan of gnocchi and this one came with a sumptious, nutty pesto sauce. So, I began gorging on it. I knew there was a lot of gnocchi there and I had already indulged in the soup and bread but I just climbed on board for more and more and more.

Until I hit about the halfway point. I'd gobbled up so much pasta and bread that by the time I hit the halfway point on the plate of gnocchi, I was full clear up to my gills. I put my plate down, licked my lips, and fully intended to return to that plate of gnocchi at the next signal of hunger that my body sent out. But I never did.

For shortly after putting the plate down, I began to feel nauseous and ill like I had all weekend at the cabin. And not just nauseous in a slightly queasy way, but nauseous in the can-I-please-throw-up-the-entire-contents-of-my-stomach way. I was begging for mercy. And the headache that accompanied that nausea sent my body discomfort to an all-new high of misery.

Misery. That is the only word I can think of to describe my plight for the next few days. I was miserable and sick and had to choke back the bile every time the thought of that gnocchi entered my mind. Every single time.

Needless to say, I won't be craving Italian for the next little while. Or EVER.

The Born Business

I cannot wait to see this film, The Business of Being Born. It has received a lot of hype because actress and talk show host Rikki Lake is an executive producer on the project and is featured in the film. I think that is fine--as long as it brings attention to the subject.

Now, let me say first of all, I respect the choice of every woman in giving birth whether she does it in a hospital, birthing center, or at home and whether she utilizes tools like C-sections, epidurals or other pain medication, Lamaze techniques, the Bradley method, or birthing balls. I also respect a woman's choice to birth under the care of a doctor or midwife. What matters most is a healthy baby and a healthy mother.

That being said, I certainly think there is room for discussion and exploration when it comes to modern birthing practices in the United States. Lots and lots of exploration. I think that emergency medical care and surgical care is a necessary and vital part of our birthing practices and I applaud the valiant and dedicated medical professionals who do such excellent work to bring healthy babies into the world and preserve mothers' lives in the process. What I want to talk about though is not the ten or twenty percent of births that need this kind of medical intervention but the nearly 80% that are normal, healthy deliveries.

I think that birth is such a mind-altering and perspective-changing experience that we need to give women every opportunity, every advantage, and every option available to them to make their birthing experiences positive and empowering. And that is where I think a movie like The Business of Being Born is a great introduction to the discussion.

Newsweek recently latched on to this subject in an excellent article "Birth, The American Way".

Amid the controversy over what constitutes an ideal birth experience, doctors, researchers and natural-birth advocates agree: Caesareans save lives when medically necessary. But defining medical necessity is complicated. Natural-birth advocates cite a "cascade of interventions" caused by hospitals' practice of using the drug Pitocin to stimulate labor. The drug can cause painful contractions, which doctors treat with an epidural painkiller. The epidural can then retard contractions and lead to more drugs, fetal stress and the doctor's recommendation of a Caesarean. Natural-birth advocates say that hospitals, driven by profits and worried about malpractice, are too quick to intervene.

I think what needs to be explored, discussed and noted is how to assist women who want to deliver naturally and how to support them.

I've never been pregnant or delivered a child. But I've participated in one remarkable birth and been a loving supporter of other women who have been through childbirth. One thing that I find stunning is what happens when I talk to some of my pregnant friends who want to deliver naturally. They say things like "I hope I can do it without drugs" and "I'm going to try to do it naturally" with the emphasis on words like "hope" and "try." In the modern medical practice of birth and delivery, most women are not supported if they want to give birth without the aid of drugs or intervention--hence words like "hope" and "try."

I used to think that giving birth naturally meant a woman would go to a hospital, lie on her back in a hospital bed, grit her teeth and scream loudly with all of her force and willpower until she pushed the baby out victoriously. She had to do all of this while refusing drugs and most of all without the support of her doctors or the nurses attending her. It seemed a very solitary journey.

I had it all wrong.

How I envision natural childbirth now is a woman choosing first a health-care provider who is not only knowledgeable and experienced in natural-birth practices but a whole-hearted supporter of them. Then she has to choose a location for childbirth--whether it is a hospital or birthing center or her home--where the support team (nurses, doctors, midwives, family, friends) is behind her 100% in her decision and assists her in every way to have the experience she desires.

That means these professionals have to be knowledgeable in techniques--water, birthing balls, birthing stools, massage, counter pressure, visualization, relaxation, dimmed lights, gentle music, soft voices--and positions--walking, sitting, squatting, hands and knees--so they can truly assist the laboring mother as she focuses on her body and her baby.

This new visions sounds and feels like a remarkable journey. I hope to have such an experience someday.

Vitamin Wheel of Fortune: Can I Get a D please?

I've heard or read two things about vitamin D recently that have me intrigued. Why? Because in the last year, at a visit to my doctor to consult about my metabolic syndrome, she tested my vitamin D levels and then reported to me that my current level of vitamin D was the lowest she had ever seen in a patient.

I didn't even know what the fuss was all about.

What I soon found is that vitamin D is an essential nutrient that affects not only calcium absorption but also the development of autoimmune disorders. Our bodies produce vitamin D when we spend time in the sun. People who suffer from low vitamin D usually live in northern climates with less exposure to the sun year-round and/or they don't spend a lot of time outside. Skin color also affects your vitamin D production. People with darker skin tones (i.e. African-Americans) require longer periods of exposure to the sun to produce enough vitamin D.

Low levels of vitamin D are now being linked to the development of autoimmune disorders like diabetes, multiple sclerosis, arthritis and more.

We can also increase the amount of vitamin D in our bodies by not only spending a half an hour in the sun each day without sunscreen, but also by eating fatty fish that is wild-caught like salmon, mackerel, and sardines. Cod liver oil is another great source of vitamin D (our grandmothers and great-grandmothers were on the mark when they dosed their children with cod liver oil at the first sign of illness). My heritage is Danish, so my ancestors lived in a high northern climate with more limited exposure to the sun year round. Yet they ate lots of fish which would have supplemented their more spotty sun exposure.

Anyway, back to where I started. I came across two articles items recently that reinvigorated my interest in vitamin D.

The first was from Dr. Christiane Northrup who wrote a fabulous book called Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom. She was on Oprah recently talking about women's health and in connection with a discussion about osteoporosis, she mentioned Vitamin D deficiency and the effect it has on people.

What I liked about what she said wasn't printed in the text above. She said when a woman gets increased amounts of vitamin D in her system, her overall health improves and she has energy and vitality again. She said it is an essential nutrient for our bodies.

Then I read this blog entry by Dr. Mark Hyman who wrote Ultrametabolism. This book mostly addresses nutrigenomics--which is the study of how different foods turn on and off genes and gene expression in our body. Essentially we want a whole foods diet that will turn on the right gene expression. In this entry on his blog at http://ultrawellness.com he discusses in depth the affect of low levels of vitamin D.

My vitamin D tested recently at 18 ng/mL and my doctor told me that low levels of Vitamin D are a major precursor to all autoimmune disorders. She has me on 10,000 IU of Vitamin D daily (2 pills) and I have to take it for at least 6 months. I can already tell it is making a difference.

My other goal is to spend more time every day in the sun. I gained an early and healthy respect in my teens for skin cancer when a one of my parents' friends had a beautiful young adult daughter that passed away from skin cancer. I was vigilant throughout my teens about not becoming a sun worshipper who liberally applied baby oil and then fried myself for several hours under a 95 degree sun. I think in retrospect I swung too far the other way. I was more comfortable indoors reading or watching tv instead of outdoors where my lack of physical prowess would be tested. What started as a preference developed into more of a habit and now my goal is to be outdoors more--for work and play.

So, despite the cold January day it is, I think I'm going to eat my lunch on a bench outside. Want to come join me?

Healthier Fast Food Options

I was thinking about healthier fast food options in regards to a health challenge my family is undertaking for our trip to Denmark this summer. Many of us want to feel strong and healthy for this big trip and so we are working on some goals together--goals like exercising, eating more fruits and veggies, staying away from refined carbs and sugar, and drinking lots of water.

I've found in my past attempts at improving my health that unless I walk out the door with a bag packed full of good food and some water, then I will likely make some mistake with my eating that day. Meaning usually that I won't eat until 3:00 or 4:00 pm in my work day when my body is screaming for food and then I will eat the first thing that I can lay my hands on--Snickers, bagels, yogurt, nasty dried-out sandwiches from the vending machines, candy on a co-worker's desk. Just something or anything.

In an attempt to find a middle ground between always packing a bag of food or eating only chocolate all day long, I've come up with a few healthier options for eating out. Now, mind you, I say "healthier" with caution. I know this isn't ideal food. It isn't home-cooked where I can control the additives and oils added to my food. But it is a nice way station on my trip to healthier lifestyle.

1. Subway--you can order any sandwich on whole wheat bread with lots of veggies or you can order any sandwich as a salad. If you go light on the mayo and sauces, you end up with something relatively healthy that will give you lots of veggies. I like the oven-roasted chicken breast on whole wheat--then toast it to up the yum factor. They have several sandwiches under there list of 6 grams of fat or less that you can see by click on the Subway link above.

2. Carl's Jr.--They have something that's either called low-carb style or protein style where you can order any sandwich and ask for it low carb and they will wrap the whole sandwich--meat, veggies, cheese--in lettuce leaves rather than the bun. I'm sure this isn't the healthiest thing out there to eat, but it could help you if you are in a bind one day. My favorite is their grilled chicken club.

3. Cafe Rio--has great salads and tortillas with lots of fresh veggies. They also offer stone-ground wheat tortillas! As long as you don't overdo it on the rice at a place like this, this turns out to be very healthy meal. Because they are so packed with people usually, you can call ahead with your order and pick it up a few minutes later without having to wait in line. No brown rice here.

4. Bajios--they have great salads too. They have one--their Chicken Green Chile salad--that doesn't have rice and is yummy with the mango chutney. They also offer small whole wheat tortillas if you want to use them (that means they don't have large whole wheat tortillas that would come with their big salads or their enchiladas, but you can just have most of their salads without the tortilla if you want to). As long as you go light on the rice and the tortillas, you can have a great meal. No brown rice here either.

5. Taco Time--has a chicken and black bean burrito that is pretty good if you are in a pinch. I just ask them to hold the rice and ask for a whole wheat tortilla and you come away with an okay lunch. You can order a whole wheat tortilla on any of their items.

I can hope that with foods like this to help me in a pinch or a bind so that on a bad day I can keep up with this health challenge and actually make baby steps towards a healthier lifestyle.

To Health!