The Unfinished Business

I've got something stuck in my throat. It is way down deep inside my gut, throbbing and beating and clutching my bowels. I'm afraid it won't let go this thing inside of me that is eating the heart out of my life. 

I will not let it win. 

I will face it. Look at it. And hold its gaze until it reveals its secrets or until it melts away in shame. 

This is my life. I am the captain of my soul. The leader of my todays. The chooser of my destiny. At least in the ways that God allows to me. 

But my is life rocky, unkept, and out of balance. And I will not inhabit this place I've been living any longer. 

I will lose 200 pounds. 

I will exercise nearly every day. 

I will eat well. 

I will center myself spiritually every day. 

I will exude energy, health and stamina. 

I will marry and have children. 

I will live the life I've been meant to live. Out from under this shadow. Out from under its paralyzing grip on my life. Out from under its tyranny. 

And I will not look back in sorrow. I will live in today. Enjoy this life. And welcome the future. 

This is MY life. And I claim it. 

What Am I Doing?

The more I write on this blog, the more I'm forced to consider what I'm really doing here. 

I've felt confused, lazy and mixed up about the next step in my life. And now I want out of the confusion. I want out of this 200 lbs. that I allow to hold me back every day, every hour, every minute. I want out of the mire of muck that pulls down my energy, my light, my radiance. 

I want my tomorrows to not be enslaved by my present. I want my joys to be richer and my fuller and my life to be broader and deeper. I want avoidance out and confrontation in. I want to look life square in the eye and give NO MORE EXCUSES. 

This is my life. Now.