Why Diet Food Gets a Bad Name

My little sister graduated from high school yesterday and to celebrate we went out to lunch after the ceremony. 

She picked a great pizza/pasta place in town but I knew the second I heard where we were going that I would not be able to eat much. Eating out is usually fun and most of the time I can find something to eat but when you go to a place that specializes in all things white flour it usually means that most of the menu will be off limits to me. 

Not a big deal really. I called the restaurant a few days before and checked with their chef to see if their soups were viable options for me. They were not as most had a flour base to them. So, that left me with the salad bar. It really was a pretty good salad bar considering. I piled my plate with all sorts of veggies and sunflower seeds and kidney beans and sprouts etc. The kicker is when you get to dressings. Between the sugar and the dairy in most dressings they are also not options for me. I did find some olive oil to dress the salad but it wasn't terribly flavorful. 

And that is where the kicker comes in when it comes to diet food. I was eating this pretty good salad with all these different tastes and textures and I still knew that I would have to go back to work and pull out my salmon and almonds. While the salad was good it didn't satisfy me. It didn't do good things to me all the way down to my toes. It didn't make me sigh with satisfaction. 

Those feelings of satisfaction and good taste often come from the good fats we are eating. It comes from the juicy chicken, the avocado dressing, the olive oil and ginger/lime dressing. Fat is what satiates us and makes us thrilled with a meal. Fat is often what makes food go from good to great. 

That is why diet food stinks. If I was on a "diet" and eating that food I would leave lunch feeling somewhat full but completely unsatisfied. This is why diets don't work either. They leave you mostly unsatisfied and craving all kinds of things because your body is not getting the nutrients and essential fatty acids that it needs to function beautifully each day. 

So, remember if you are having a large meal of veggies that you also pump up the raw nuts and the good fats like olive oil or fatty fish or avocados. Make sure there is some part of the meal so tantalizing and yummy that you can feel it all the way down to your toes. Then you will leave dinner not only full but satisfied. 

It's Official: Under 300 Pounds

It's official. I woke up today and got on the scale. I was 297 pounds. I've been flirting with going under 300 pounds for a couple of weeks now and it seems my body has finally arrived at a decision. I'm happy for that. While I continually remind myself that this journey encompasses much more than just numbers on a scale, it is nice to see progress in that area. 

The progress on the weight front has been slower than I anticipated. I'm sure that my poor sleeping habits, stress at work, and not eating breakfast or lunch and consuming most of my food after 5PM is not helping. When I'm stressed I don't sleep as well or pay attention to eating a great breakfast and lunch. I'm working on all of this. 

What I am happy about is the fact that I'm not self-medicating with food right now. That I haven't done that for five months--at least not on the scale that I was once accustomed to doing. That makes me happy. 

From a year ago, I'm down about 60 pounds. One year ago we were on a trip to Denmark--a fun, amazing, memory-making trip that I so wanted to enjoy more than I could because I was miserable. My body and my mind and my spirit hurt. I so wanted freedom of movement but that did not come on this trip. Each step hurt. Each adventure was exhausting. Each expenditure of energy was weighed and measured and contemplated. While it was a GREAT trip, I know that even at my current weight, I would have enjoyed and savored that trip so much more. 

I want more great trips in my future with a stronger, healthier body. I have had this challenge of obesity since I was young. I've spent countless moments wishing, praying, hoping and screaming for this challenge to be taken away from me. I did not want it. It was not me. It did not represent who I am. It has been painful in every aspect of my life. It has informed and molded nearly every decision I have made since I was nine years old. It is a burden that I just did not want to carry. Ever. 

After all this time, after all these years, I look at my life and wonder just how it would be different if I had not had to fight the battle of obesity. I'm not sure what it would like. I, of course, imagine that it would be better, but who can really say? 

What I do know is that all of that longing, all of that wanting, all of that wishing pushed me to figure out how I could have the healthiest body and the healthiest life amid the genetic and environmental soup I was given. I think that has made me passionate about health. And that passion is something that I want to talk about and think about and share for a long, long time. 

Maybe along the way, I can help some others in their journey on this path too. I think that might make all those prayers and hopes and wishes worth it. 

A New Bite: I Ate a Hamburger and Fries

I ate a hamburger and fries this week--a real, honest-to-goodness, I-went-through-the-drive-thru-and-ate-way-too-much kind of burger and fries. 

The allergy-diet met its first challenge on the wheat and dairy spectrum. And I have survived. 

But before we get to all of that let me just begin with I've been out of commission and in bed for most of a week. Yuck and super yuck. Now that I'm blogging again I feel like I'm back up and raring to go. I don't plan time for blogging, but I get a certain itch when I haven't been blogging for a few days. So, I'm back!

The eating while I was sick went like this: don't eat, too tired to eat, don't know what to make, I'm hungry, don't eat, too tired to eat, don't know what to make, I'm really hungry, too tired to eat, now I'm really hungry, don't know what to eat, don't want to take the effort to make something, and now I'm REALLY REALLY hungry, drink some water, eat a handful of almonds, now I'm officially so hungry my insides are melting together because of the heat of my hunger, eat some more almonds, then an apple, hunger abates, sleep some more, wow is it really 9PM at night? no wonder, I'm so hungry, don't eat, too tired to eat, don't know what to make, what food could I buy? nothing sounds good, plus I would have to drive, deciding hurts my brain, oh, yes, I'm so hungry now the paint starts to look appealing, what can I make? cut an onion, sautee in grapeseed oil, poach two eggs, drink some water, now onions and eggs, hmmm, so good, oh, my word, I'm eating an entire onion out of choice! I've turned into my Grandmother, I don't care at least I'm full, it feels so good to be full, what it is 11PM? I'm so tired, must sleep, belly full, life good, feeling better, food is good. 

Yes, that was how each day proceeded. I would sleep, wake up hungry, sleep some more, wake up again, try to sleep and then fight my hunger the rest of the day because I just didn't want to make anything. Finally, sometime in the evening I would throw together some food because I was just so famished. Most often it was eggs or apples or almonds or a turkey burger and fried onions. Seriously, am I my Grandmother? This woman used to wax poetic about the wonders of the onion. She ate onions as often as possible and usually raw. I spent most of my life completely bewildered by this adoration of such a lowly vegetable until last year when I discovered Vidalia onions or sweet onions. Oh. My. Goodness. So yummy, so sweet, and so tantalizing. 

After a week of sleeping and eating onions, I needed to get out. Literally. So, I decided on a run to the grocery store to restock the cupboards. 

My eating over the last week was not spectacular: very few greens, not a lot of fruit, no regular meals, but let's be real here. I wasn't consuming crackers and cookies and cheese fries and soda and potato chips. I was eating whole, real food. I was a little shocked when Thursday rolled around to realize that for a week of not wanting to cook, I was still eating at least decent food. 

I think that scared me. 

I've had such a deeply ingrained mentality about the morality of food--that's a "good" food and that's a "bad" food--that I've had to be very aware of that habit. It is a habit that leads me down the road of disordered eating and aligning my self-worth with the kind of food that I'm eating. Like "Since I only ate broccoli and carrots and chicken today, I'm a good girl." Or "I was so bad I ate TWO pieces of chocolate cake tonight." That is kind of disordered thinking that leads millions of American women to hate themselves and their bodies. For me, it leads me down a road of obsession and compulsion about "being good" and "eating perfectly."

This new way of eating--the allergy-free diet--has forced me out of that habit of thinking this way because what I'm thinking about now is "How will this food help my body?" or "Will this food hurt my body?" and then I watch closely for reactions to foods. 

So, to suddenly find myself staring at a week where I was not in top form and still eating decently made me wonder if my body was suddenly inhabited by aliens. Or if I had had a brain transplant. Or if the world was about to end. Because when I'm hungry, I eat. And when I'm emotionally unhappy, I eat. And when I'm not feeling well, I eat whatever I want because why make myself suffer? 

Which is why I freaked out. 

I had spent a whole week feeling miserable--emotionally and physically---and I had not even attempted to binge or gorge or somehow deal with my emotional fallout by eating. And I just didn't. I hadn't even considered it. I had just eaten what was on hand and all of it was real, whole food. 

So, I did my little freak out and decided it was time. Time to buy a burger and fries and be okay with it emotionally and see if my body could handle it allergy-wise. 

Don't ask me what my logic was here just know that it sounded good at the time. 

So, when I finally made it out of the house that weekend, I drove over to a local burger place and order a double cheeseburger with extra sauce and wild fries. 

And then I took a big fat bite. 

I'm not gonna lie. Those first few bites were great--the salty and the sweet and the hot burger and the cold pickle and the cheesy cheese. Yum. I savored each bite. 

But really as I was eating it, I was feeling some disappointment. It didn't seem to be as good as I remembered. It didn't seem to hit all the right notes for me. It seemed somehow to be sadly lacking. It wasn't unbelievably great. 

But I kept eating because come one, it was gooooood. 

Bite after bite and one mouthful to the next I enjoyed the hot, salty gooeyness of it. And then I just kept going, going, going. And I started to feel a bit fatigued, a tiny bit bloated and definitely overwhelmed. 

I was overwhelmed by the salt, the sugar, the chemically something of the food. It just suddenly all became too much for me. Too, too much. For all of that wanting and hunger and wishing, the food just didn't live up to all of my expectations. I could have made a better one. 

At least that was my first response. A tad prideful, a bit much, but I've become so accustomed to really, really good food lately that I realized as I was eating this chemical-laden, pre-packaged, warmed-over burger that I could have made a more tantalizing and likely healthier burger if I had just made it at home. 

And my only response to that is that the worst part of this allergy-free diet is I'm turning into a bit of a food snob. 

To Buy a Gym Membership or Not? That is the Question

I've been trying to decide for a few weeks how to change my workout routine and what I need to do next. Just walking isn't cutting it anymore. Not that anything is wrong with walking but after hiking with Katy last weekend, I realized if I really, really, really want to climb Mt. Timp by the end of the summer, I better get a strong workout routine going quickly. In other words, I've got a lot of work to do if I'm going to get there. 

What seems to make sense right now is buying a gym membership. But I don't know that I would qualify as a gym girl. I also don't know that I want to spend part of each day locked in a room with a bunch of other sweaty people bombarded by thumping music. The natural world seems so much more appealing. 

I did go last night and visit the gym I have been considering. It is close to my house, full of all kinds of equipment, and certainly a decent possibility. I wasn't totally convinced one way or the other while I was there. I just know that I need a more consistent, reliable workout. And I'm hoping by having the right environment I can do have that kind of workout. 

So, is a gym membership the answer? 

Flirting with 299

I'm doing better at sticking to my "only weigh once a week" rule. It helps that I've been so insanely busy this week that I have not wanted to weigh. What I can tell you is that last weekend I was flirting with the going under 300 pounds. I saw 299 appear on the scale then 301 then 300 and when I kept hoping that 299 would just stick. It did not decide to do that but it does give me hope that very soon the 290s will be hanging out for a while at my house. 

The last time I was in the 290s was a rather unhappy period for me. It was about four years ago and I was quickly making my way back up the scale after what I thought had been a successful journey down the scale. I was regaining weight so quickly at this point in my life that I was bloated and angry and hurting and I seemed to just sneeze and I went up 20 lbs. on the scale. It was a cataclysmic and painful time for me. 

I'm still not sure I have all the answers to what happened to me then but I do know this: No matter what, I need good fats like olive oil and raw nuts in my diet to feel healthy and satiated and carbs such as wheat and sugar are like dynamite to my system--I blow up when I consume them. 

We will see if those theories continue to help me improve my health. 

Dinner Plate Photo: Spinach Turkey Burgers, Salad, Veggies, Fruit

Katy and I had dinner last night before heading off to hike Stewart Falls. Katy is another foodie friend who happens to have celiac disease and some other food sensitivities so our diets are very similar and we talk about food often. Katy has been doing this a lot longer than I have though so it inspires me to hear what she is making and we share favorite recipes with each other.

I love to cook for her because we have such fun talking and experimenting together. And it is thanks to Katy that we have a photo of dinner. She styled the plates and took photos. I likely would have forgotten until the meal was over and then I would have wished I had remembered to pull out the camera.

Menu:

Spinach turkey burgers with almond mozzarella cheese

Spring salad with chopped almonds and apples and Elana's awesome ranch dressing

Zucchini and yellow squash sauteed in olive oil

Strawberry and pineapple salad

Any of this look yummy to you?

I Got Glutenized or Allergerized or Whatever You Call It

I'm still learning about eating on this allergy-free diet. I've certainly gotten much better over the last few months figuring out what I can and can't eat. As I've done this and been more and more careful about what I'm ingesting, I've started to feel better and better. 

When I was on my trip a few weeks ago, we bought some chicken apple sausages at Costco that seemed like they might be okay, so I'm tried them out the next day when I made them for breakfast. Because there were five of us though I didn't get much of the sausages. I remember thinking that they tasted really good and that they seemed to make me immediately start craving more. 

I didn't remember that little piece of information clearly this week when I stopped by the grocery store and saw some chicken apple sausages. I just remembered that they had tasted good. So, I read the ingredients carefully and it looked like they were a whole, clean food so I bought two. Yesterday I cooked them both and ate one for breakfast and one for lunch. 

Bad idea. Very, very, very bad idea. 

My stomach felt rumbly and funny all day long. Immediately after eating the first one in the morning I started having some serious cravings. When the cravings hit me so quickly, my memory of eating this kind of sausage on my trip came back. Was an immediate and intense craving a sign that I might be allergic to a food? 

Well, I ate the other one for lunch because it was there and cooked and it wasn't going to hurt me, right? Yeah, wrong. I should have listened to my body earlier. I ate the one for lunch and my stomach continued rumbling the rest of the afternoon. I also suddenly started thinking "who cares what I eat?" and thinking I could blow off this way of eating and dive into a vat of M&Ms. 

Also, despite having a pretty good day on my drive home from work I was CRANKY. Cranky and grouchy and pessimistic. Was this a sign I was reacting to a food or was I just having a bad day? How am I supposed to separate the two? I can't attribute every bad day I have to eating something wrong. So, how am I supposed to tell the difference? 

All that came to mind was that nothing really wrong had happened that day and I would normally categorize it as a pleasant day except that I seemed to be irritated very easily and wanted to punch people in the face for simply existing. Yeah, that attitude seemed a little out of place for the circumstances. 

Then this morning my eyes have been itchy, I'm swollen from retaining water and I still haven't lost my nasty little attitude. So, I'm concluding from the various data presented to me that I am allergic to something from that chicken apple sausage. Would you agree? 

My reaction includes:

• Immediate cravings that are rather intense
• Stomach rumbly and achy
• Serious cranky attitude
• Eyes itchy, and plugged up nose

It seems I am becoming a bit more sensitive to how I react to food now that I am not eating food I am allergic to every day. And this reaction reminds me exactly why I don't like to feel this way. It STINKS.