The Ups and The Downs

I just couldn't take it tonight. After trying to eat only those foods that I'm not allergic to and talking to other people about what I was doing and thinking about how exciting this whole process is, I caved tonight and had a little bingeing party. Or a big one.

Okay, I'm taking a deep breath. And another one. Just because I binge doesn't mean I fail. I can do this.

So, my bingeing tonight was dark chocolate Lindt balls, milk chocolate Lindt balls, Hostess cupcakes, Twinkies, and a Twix candy bar for good measure. Oh, and a small can of Sprite.

It was like I wanted to reassure myself that no matter what, I can eat what I want and I don't beat myself up about it. Of course, none of that food was the best choice. Of course, I would have been better off eating something else. Of course.

But I'm not a bad person because I ate that food. A sick person, yes (and I mean sick in the body, not in the head people). It wasn't a moral choice I made when I ate that food. It was just a choice.
And I honored the thing that I tell myself repeatedly: "You can have that food if you want it."

And tonight I really wanted it.

Not in a craving-it-like-butter way but more in a don't-you-dare-deprive-me-I've-been-deprived-my-entire-life kind of way. I just can't bear sometimes to think I can't ever eat some foods again in my life. So, I reassure myself that I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want and then I proceed to do my best to make that food healthy, whole, nourishing, fresh and now, allergy-free.

It is a continual process for me. Continual. And some days turn out better than others. And some don't turn out at all. But I'm making steps, however miniscule or repetitive, and it reminds me day after day after day that I am my own best advocate and I'm doing all of this to feel better and not to punish myself.

I'm a good girl, I am. And this journey just gets that much more interesting every day.

Allergy Testing

I had an IgG allergy test done today. My doctor (who I love and am so happy I found) has wanted me to be tested for a few months. Finally today, I had it done.

I'm allergic to several food items. Some I suspected I was allergic to and others I hoped I wasn't allergic to. The only real surprise? It says I'm allergic to grapefruit and lemons--both of which I LOVE and would never have suspected.

So here is the final list:

Blue dye
Red dye
Preservative mix (think nearly any preservative)
MSG
All cheeses
All milk
All soy
Corn
Oats
Wheat
Peanuts
Corn syrup
Fructose
Sugar-cane
Sugar-beet
Nutrasweet

So, it would be better for me to stay away from all bread products, cereals, sugars, corn syrup, artifical sugars, preservatives, peanut butter, soy milk, all milk products, oats and corn.

Can you just say, "Stay away from any packaged foods?" I think that would be a lot easier.

My doctor also wants me to also stay away from all rice and potato food items as well because of insulin reactions to those foods. In reality, it might be easier to list what I can eat rather than what I cannot eat.

I can eat:

chicken
turkey
other lean meats
all fish
every vegetable
low-glycemic fruits
good fats--olive oil, avocadoes
raw nuts and seeds

It means that when I go to my parents' house I can't grab string cheese, peanut butter, a glass of milk, a piece of cake, a cracker, a bowl of cereal. or a cookie.

It means I really should stay away from most fast food places and a lot of restaurants because MSG and preservatives are such a giant part of the menu at those places.

It means that one of the many reasons I did well on the 6WBMO plan was because I was eating food that was low-sodium, low-glycemic, and low-preservative. Fresh, whole foods seem to be a big part of this.

It means that I really shouldn't be eating those foods that for a long time I've suspected were not the best for me: wheat, corn, milk, soy.

It means that despite all I've learned about food and its effects on my body, there is still so much I can learn.

And for today, it means that I'm going home to grill some chicken and steam some vegetables and go for a walk.

No preservatives, MSG, milk, soy, sugar, wheat, oats or corn allowed.

Grains, Grains Go Away, Come Again Another Day

So, the last few weeks I've been really working on staying away from carbs. Or high-glycemic carbs. Or carbs that are particularly bad for me because they cause a high insulin reaction. That list includes:

All wheat products (crackers, bread, pastries, cake, tortillas, pancakes, cereals)
Rice (brown and white both)
Potatoes
Corn

That essentially is all carbs that are not fruits and vegetables. I also have been sticking to low-glycemic fruits like berries, apples, grapefruit, peaches, pears, kiwi, etc.

Because I've been trying to stay away from the carbs so much, I flirted a bit more with dairy--monterey jack cheese, mozarella cheese, yogurt, sour cream.

Now, I haven't been strict about this goal. I've just been working on it. I've eaten some of these carbs a few times a week. I just have not had them for every meal. I haven't gone out of my way to incorporate them into my diet. I've gone out of my way to stay away from them.

The result has been: I sleep better, I snore less (how do I know this? I just know. I don't wake up as tired and I've been sleeping more deeply, so I know I haven't been snoring as much), I've lost two or three inches from my waist, and I've lost about fifteen pounds.

Once again, I'm not really strict about it. I've just been experimenting. I started reading a lot about the low-carb eating a few weeks ago and it intrigued me. I think it is one of the reasons, I did so well on my 6 Week Body Makeover plan. I ate a lot less carbs than I usually did and the weight seemed to fall off of me.

But this time, I'm not as focused on the weight. I feel more focused on my health. I want to feel better. I want to be more active. I want to do more. I want better focus. I want less fatigue. And all of that seems to come about when my eating is aligned with principles of health and my genetic specificity.

And my genetic specificity seems to do a whole lot better when there are a lot less carbs in the mix.

So, here I go again. Changing my eating to change my life. Throughout my thirty plus years on this planet, I've had to be the most flexible when it comes to what I eat. I've had to be the most open, the most willing to change, the most humble, the most specific about the foods I put in my mouth and how they affect this biochemical wonder that is my body.

So, maybe I've finally found the key that unlocks the mystery of having my very own healthy body.

I hope so.