Thursday, July 3, 2008

Independence Day

I can't do this thing any more. It sticks in my throat. It's too big for me. It's too small. I eat, I pray. I don't love. I hate.

I'm going far away to a cool coast. A quiet place with mountains and trees and green everywhere I look. A place to heal me. Can places heal? Or do they just hurt? I hurt. I hurt here. Right here. Who hurt me?

No more whys. No more. I can't do this thing I'm doing anymore. LEAVE ME ALONE I scream to the silence. LEAVE ME ALONE. No on hears me. No one.

I'm sick. I hurt. I ache. It is just too much for me. Too much for me.

I won't do this tomorrow or the next day or the day after that. I won't do this. I won't die in this box without walls I can see. I won't die here gasping for my last breath. I won't recover. I have to GO NOW. That is what the silence screams at me. Go NOW. This place it will eat you. With the lies, with the hurt. Even them. They love me, but they hurt me too.

And I hurt them.

I won't see their faces anymore these people that I hurt. I won't see them. I won't see what I don't want to see. No one will make me.

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