I did so well--remarkably well--for SIX WHOLE MONTHS on my allergy-free diet. Six entire months in my life where food was not my addiction and my solace. And then it all came banging back as I delved into a world of treats and drinks and drive thrus and fast food. I reverted so quickly to all of my bad habits, poor patterns and secret eating. All of it came back from late night splurges to mid-day descents into a world where I rarely cook and most of my food comes hot and ready through a drive thru window.
What the bingeing did for me was ratchet up the guilt level in my life and ratchet down the deprivation level. In some ways, I think it was good for me.
(I know, can you believe it? Here I am putting a positive spin on it.) I think it was good for me because I'm going to have to deal with this whole thing sooner or later. I can't assume that one day I would just start eating perfectly and then BOOM after that it would be easy peasy.
No, we wouldn't want this part of my life to ever go easily, because then I might not have any idea where to hang my self-pity. Gotta keep that oh-so-helpful part of my life alive and kicking.
So, the cold hard facts about where I've been? Mostly at fast food joints, often at a convenience store, too little over the stove baking or cooking something delicious and nutritious. I've gained about fifteen pounds and my clothes are getting tight.
And now that I know where I've been, the next question is: where am I going?
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