My Reasons

I haven't been advertising this blog to my friends or my family. Or anyone. I'm really hoping that if I keep writing, like-minded new friends will find me. That together we can do this weight thing. With everyone else there is too much history, too much stuff, just too much. Right now I don't want the rest of my life mixed up in this constant, daily challenge of my weight. 

When I write that down, it actually sounds pretty stupid. My life and my weight are inexplicably and forever tied together. No ifs ands or buts about it. I guess I just don't want a lot of commentary on the matter from people who have watched from the sidelines for a long time. My thoughts and conclusions still feel so tentative and brand-new that I don't want someone to give me their opinion when their opinion may sway me more than they know. 

Or truly, I'm just a chicken. 

It remains to be seen. 

Weigh In: February 6, 2009

Weight: 322 pounds

Waist: 51 inches

Chest: 55 inches

Hips: 56 inches

I've been doing the allergy-free diet thing for almost four weeks now. I survived our annual cabin trip last weekend with its never-ending supply of goodies, I survived my parents' 40th wedding anniversary, and I survived my own weaknesses and fallibilities for that time period as well. 

I also got a killer cold from our cabin trip. It hit me the last day and I've turned into a mucus-producing factory for the last five days. I've gone through three boxes of tissues just trying to survive. I also wacked my blood sugar with sucking down far too many cough drops. All in all a tough week for eating. I got on the scale a few days ago only to realize that I had lost like 6 pounds total for the month. Not exactly what I'd been hoping for. 

Then I woke up today after sleeping for nearly 24 hours straight with this cold. And the first thing I realized was my boobs were smaller--a sure sign in my body that things are changing. So, I hopped on the scale and wouldn't you know it, I'm down 13 pounds for the month. I like that number much better. 

Once again though, I have to remind myself, this is not about the numbers. Lots of other very important changes are occurring. And this journey is about so much more than how many pounds lost or pounds gained. I have to remind myself about that fact because it so quickly turns into a numbers game for me and one that I want to win. 

March 299

April 275

May 260

June 245

July 230

Aug 215

Sep 200

Oct 187

Nov 175

Dec 162

Jan 149

Feb 137

Mar 135

See what I mean? I'm constantly playing the numbers when I think things are going well. And when they are not going well? I IGNORE anything and everything to do with numbers. I become number-blind. 

I still have so much to learn. 

Weeks 2 and 3: Why I Love Meal Planning

Weeks 2 and 3 had one very big highlight to them: My new six-week meal plan. I knew if I was going to survive this allergy-free diet thing, I could not just coast by eating snatches of things here or there. I had to have a plan. I had to eat good, yummy, amazing food that I would eat regardless of allergies or no allergies. I had to be eating sweet, succulent yummy dishes. So, I made a six-week meal planner for dinners. 42 dinners. Yikes! I'm not even sure I know 42 dishes. But I put together a meal plan. And it is good. I'm cooking more than ever and I'm eating better than ever. 

Plus, I'm saving money. 

Does it get better than that? 

Week 1: Progress on the Allergy-Free Diet

The allergy-free diet has been going strong for a week now. While I'm pleased as punch about this week, I'm even more interested to see how week 18, 19 and 20 develop simply because I'd like to have jumped all the hurdles I'm going to have to jump to actually arrive at those weeks. In other words, mama wants to know if she can make it that long.

It has by no means been a obstacle-free week. For example:

• opened and used a can of black beans and then looked a the label only to discover that it contained sugar. I like to think I'm a pretty consistent label reader but this one caught me totally off guard. Why is sugar added to beans? 
  
• foraging after a party at the parents' house this weekend and took a big old bite of flank steak only to realize within seconds that it had been marinated in soy sauce (contains wheat); that didn't stop me from taking 3 or 4 more bites; it took me that long to wrestle myself away from it. 
  
• could not eat my smoked paprika chicken without what I call special sauce (mayo, ketchup, dijon mustard) and said a fond farewell to ketchup as a part of that mix; know that I will be experimenting with making my own ketchup just so I can keep making the special sauce.
  

Thank goodness in all of this for Elana over at elanaspantry.com. She's been keeping me sane. She's also been keeping me cooking. In the last few days, I've made her chocolate chip cookies, her almond butter blondies, her cod piccata, and her smoked paprika almonds. All were yummy, but the smoked paprika almonds were fragrant and smoky and hot. I tested them out on Meg's clan and got rave reviews.

I modified the recipe a bit because I'm not a spicy hot fan. You should know though that any recipe that starts with fresh garlic and smoked paprika is going good places.

Smoked Paprika Almonds
from Elana at elanaspantry.com

2 tablespoons olive oil
2 cloves garlic
3 cups raw almonds
2 teaspoons smoked paprika
1 teaspoon celtic sea salt

1. Heat the olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat
2. Add garlic to the skillet and saute for 3-5 minutes, until the garlic is almost brown
3. Add smoked paprika and salt and stir to make a paste
4. Add the almonds and stir constantly until they are thoroughly coated
5. Continue toasting almonds in the skillet until they are fragrant, about 5 minutes
6. Remove from heat and allow the nuts to cool in the pan
7. Serve

They actually made me think of popcorn too. There was this delicious, toasty smell wafting through my house the rest of the night and I ate more almonds than should likely be consumed in one four-hour period.

Easy, fast and you may not be able to stop at just one!

Day Six: Starvation and Refeeding

I read this awesome post today that is exactly in line with the concept of intuitive eating. 

Today I starved. It has been a busy week with long nights and I've been trying not only to do this allergy-free diet but also to exercise every day. And I'm in school. And work has been very stressful. So every area of my life this week was calling out for attention. Financially it was hard as well. I finally got the money I needed in the middle of the week, but by then I was deep in the depths of my week and didn't have time to do menu planning or serious grocery shopping. I existed throughout the week eating smidgens of things here and there but without getting out the cutting board and firing up the oven and really getting some good food going in my life. 

It all came to a head this morning. I left the house late without packing any food--a sure sign of things going wrong for me that day. Whenever this happens, I usually starve and starve and starve all day long until I hit the 3PM bewitching hour when the only thing I can think about is: FOOD. Glorious, beautiful food. And all I do is think about food until I get some. Usually this means the vending machines, a fast food run, or the a jaunt over to the bookstore. Anything to get my blood sugar up and to get me feeling better. Or at least less hungry. 

Today, I simply had to go home and make some food. I couldn't run to a fast food place. There was nothing that I could pick up really quickly to feed myself. I had to go home and make food. And it took time. And I was so hungry. But if I'm ever going to truly do this allergy-free thing, I have to take care of my body and do the things it keeps asking me to do. So, I'm doing those things. 

I guess part of this changing process is learning not only that starvation is detrimental to me emotionally and physically, but also that it takes time to feed yourself. Whether you wait until 3PM to acknowledge that fact or not. 

Day Four Status

I'm hungry. 

I need to go grocery shopping. I need to get a meal plan. I need to cook a bunch of food. 

I have exercised Monday and Tuesday--at least 20 minutes each day on the treadmill. 

I also made a giant, lovely chocolate cake for my sister's birthday yesterday and I didn't touch it. I will eat that cake again in the future at some point, but for yesterday the choice was to not go there. 

So, at least I'm swinging a bit more to the healthy side of life. 

Day Two Is Going to Bed

So, the plan is in action. It has commenced. I'm on the road. 

I felt like a million bucks today. Funny thing, isn't it? I mean you stay away from the things that your body can't handle and all of a sudden you are feeling like a rock star. 

That's me: Rock star incarnate. 

Well, at least I'm on the road.