My biggest goal for the next few months is Denmark. I'm flying to Denmark at the end of May and I have some very big goals in mind for that trip. I want to be able to fit in the airplane seat, I want to fly without using a seat belt extender, and I want to have the energy to walk anywhere I want to on our vacation without holding myself back or anyone else.
Those are pretty high-minded goals and even I know it.
I think in the past I would have tried to lose 150 lbs. in three months and I would have shut my eyes to the reality of being able to achieve that goal.
I don't want to shut my eyes this time. I actually want to make some realistic goals and achieve them. Most of all I am concerned with being comfortable when I fly back and forth to Denmark and I'm concerned with being active and athletic enough to handle any of the physical demands that are placed on me by this trip.
The last time I flew to Europe in 2004 I was 240 pounds. I felt pretty good on that trip. Not excellent, but pretty good. I had lost about 75 pounds in 5 months on the Provida plan and I was completely gung-ho to lose the rest of the weight. I was very, very strict about my diet and exercise--in fact, I was way too uptight about it. I had very little sense of balance or moderation. Most of my sense had to do with desperation and exasperation. I would go off my food plan--as planned--during that 2004 trip, but what I didn't count on was how quickly the demons would come roaring back to me. I had no idea that simply by ingesting sugar and simple carbs, I would again turn on deep cravings and intense longings inside myself. I was shocked when those feelings returned. It would take more time for me to figure all those feelings out.
But on my 2004 trip, I was pushed physically. We spent several days walking in Paris and London and I had to keep a very fast pace on those days. We also climbed stairs to old castles and hurtled from one subway stop to the next. We were constantly going it seemed and I felt like I was reasonably good at keeping up. In fact, I felt pretty darn amazing because I hadn't been that low in weight or that active since my first trip to Europe in 1998.
On the 1998 trip, I went to Europe weighing 215 pounds and I came home weighing 230 pounds. After that, I quit weighing myself for several years. Essentially I gave up the fight when I came back from Europe in 1998 and I didn't try to take the reins back for several years--at least until I started staring my 30th birthday in the face.
So, this Europe trip, I know I will weigh more than I did on the last two Europe trips. But I also know that the things that will really help me and assist me are my exercise and my food. If I have a good diet--lots of veggies, good proteins, excellent fats--and plenty of exercise, I can certainly improve and alter my chances of enjoying this trip without feeling literally weighed down.
I updated all my stats on the right of my blog today (weight: 343 lbs and waist: 54 inches) and that really helped me to zone in on my goals. I haven't been focused on them at all the last week--I've been fussy and out of focus since we returned from our annual cabin trip. I think just updating the stats and staring reality in the face again for a little while has helped.
My next mini goal is to lose 10-15 pounds in the next two weeks. I'm not pushing for a miracle here. What that really means to me is I want to exercise 6 days a week and I want to plan my food each week. I think if I do those two things that at this stage in the game, I can easily lose that much weight.
I'm also not supposed to be obsessing about the pounds. Yet, that is all this post seems to be about. I guess what I mean right now about not obsessing about the pounds is to not weigh myself every day, but only once a month (or secretly once a week). I don't want my goals to revolve around the scale. I want them to revovle around--exercising daily, eating well daily, studying the scriptures and staying close to God daily, and turning my focus outward at least once a day to focus on someone else. Those are the goals that I want to inform and guide me the next few weeks. I believe if I do those things, the weight will follow.
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