Thursday, August 14, 2008

The Feeling in My Stomach

So, yesterday I faced some fears, stared down some issues at my job, and tried to confront my life and what is up with me. I'm also in some weird hormonal week with my cycle. Usually the way I've been feeling the past few days signals the way I usually feel a couple of days into my period. It is after the black, dark, inside days that precede the beginning of my period and it is when my whole system feels open and magnanimous. I tend to drop weight on these days.

And that's what happened this morning. I dropped weight. Yesterday was the type of day that usually precedes my open and magnanimous days--I wasn't very hungry. Sure I felt hungry yesterday and yes, I ate yesterday. And yes, it was good. But I wasn't deeply ravenous and needing to be NOURISHED. I ate twice yesterday and I was fine with it. Those days are the kind of days in the past where I would pat myself on the back and giggle and think, "Wow, I'm finally getting this eating thing under control." I thought because I went 24 hours or so without thinking about food constantly or stuffing my face nonstop that I had somehow reached nirvana. I had no idea that it was a biochemical reaction.

So, then this morning I feel lighter. I attribute this more to an accumulation of days over the past month where I've eaten well rather than just the previous day of not eating constantly. So, I feel lighter and I weigh myself and I've dropped about six pounds (every woman knows that in the craziness of her cycle that you can drop and gain pounds in a matter of hours like this.)

And then, I fall into a trap and start thinking about how I'm not going to eat as much any more like I did yesterday and before that thought can fully formulate: POW! I'm hit with hunger.

This is good hunger. This hunger is signaling a need to my body to be nourished. And I realize that a day like today is an important day of nourishment that can set me up well for an entire month. This day it is very important to eat breakfast, eat a great lunch, and eat an afternoon snack. This day I need nourishment.

And NOURISHMENT takes time.

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