When I re-started, started over, began this journey again, I decided that no matter what this time around on the weight loss journey, I would NOT weigh myself daily.
No matter what.
You see, I decided that part of the downfall from my KABOOM experience was the fact that I swooped so deeply into diet mentality from the beginning. From day one I was obsessed with how much I weighed and how quickly I could lose that weight. Obsessed.
When the air cleared for me from that awful, bloody, dark time period of regaining the weight and losing my way, I realized that one sure sign of failure for me was an obsession with the scale. If I ever wanted to succeed again at a healthy lifestyle, I had to give up the near hourly obsession with how I looked and how much I weighed. That obsession would kill my progress. For sure.
So, I decided that on this allergy-free diet and as I was working my way back into health, I would not obsess with the scale. At the most I would weigh myself once a month.
A feat that would require more willpower than anything on this journey.
I've only been marginally successful.
I haven't weighed myself daily, but I've certainly done it weekly, bi-weekly, or nearly daily when I'm feeling good. But what I tell myself is that these don't count and they are just tidbits of information for me and no one else. These are private little weigh-ins which I like to trick myself into believing never really happened--especially as long as I don't tell anyone.
So, I step lightly on the scale, read the number and then pack the scale back again in the closet not to be seen for at least another 24 hours. This way I like to believe I'm not really breaking my ban on the scale. Just testing it a wee bit.
A delusion that is self-induced, self-monitored and entirely too self-aware to do me or anyone else any good.
So, why am I writing about it?
Because I haven't lost a pound this entire month and I'd like to forget the scale once again. It isn't doing me any good.
And now, I sincerely hope the darn thing is broken. If it is not, it may not survive through another disappointing reading all in one piece.
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